It's over...but we're moving on..."If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal!"

So I posted the other day of those two beautiful lines...I should have known better. :(

6 years of trying to conceive...5 IVF transfers...3.5 years of IVF/fertility treatments...2 miscarriages...and a partridge in a pear tree.

Yup. It was a chemical pregnancy. My beta was an 11. A fucking 11 on day 14dp5dt. The hpt I took that morning was almost stark white. I knew it was over. I just don't understand how it dropped so fast. :(

I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pouring money into killing my body with fertility meds that aren't doing a damn thing other than making me fat and depressed.

I have cried for the past few days and let me just say, I seriously have the most amazing group of girlfriends a girl can ask for! I never truly realized what an amazing support system of sisters that I have.

So we are moving on. I want a baby. I want a child to raise with my husband. I cannot see our lives together without raising a child.

Adoption has never truly been on the table. I don't want to say it's a "fallback" plan by any means...we knew it was always an OPTION of building our family - it just wasn't an option we ever considered talking about or looking at because - let's face it - I WANT TO BE PREGNANT.
But that will never happen.

It won't. Not when that takes an egg and a sperm that don't apparently exist.

I know that adoption is an amazing thing - but again, it's not something we ever considered...but now that we have no other options, it's the only option we have left TO consider.

I have a friend who moved right into adoption when they found out they were infertile. Theirs is not a typical adoption story because they had a LOT of legal issues from the biological father (aka the POS...) luckily, right won over wrong and my friend and her husband won the legal battle and were able to keep their precious daughter.

But anyways - I emailed her to get information on the agency they went through...and my husband actually has a contact there as his previous job used to cater there...so I went to their website, emailed them and immediately got a response the next morning!!

There is an adoption meeting on April 25th that we will be going to to learn about what options are available...this specific agency deals more with foster care - but they also have foster to adopt and adopt through foster care.

We, of course, do want an infant adoption (don't most people who adopt?)...we know this could take years and we also don't exactly have the $$ to do this, so we will be doing a gofundme as well as fundraisers and whatever else we need to do to raise the money...but when you're already $40,000 in debt from fertility treatments, it seems impossible...but I will beg, borrow and steal if I need to.

So yeah. Just a quick update.