I am trying to. I don't WANT to be all selfish. But it is really hard. :( ALL I have been thinking about, I swear 24/7 is how we don't have a baby. It's the ONLY thing I want. Yes there are material things that would be nice to have...but I honestly would give every.single.material good away just to have a baby. ;(
It's also frustrating because last year (while my husband's gifts to me were AWESOME! Christmas at his family's house sucked. It just did. Of course I had to deal with the 19 year old pregnant/smoking chick...but not only that, we bought so much for everyone and I barely got shit.
Again, I know I SHOULDN'T be selfish. I get that - but it's so hard not to be.
We have 7 people in his family to buy for. Those 7 only have the two of us. And, of course, him being their family he gets more than me. We have already spent a few hundred dollars on them. I'll be lucky to get a $25 or (hopefully) $50 gift card somewhere.
and - honestly? I wouldn't care and would spend THOUSANDS on them if it meant I could get the ONE thing I want.
I know it's not about the $$ - it's really not. I just want a baby. I want a baby to buy presents for at Christmas. I want a baby to wake up on Christmas morning and unwrap the presents we buy him/her. I want a baby who's eyes light up on Christmas morning.
It's all I want. I would give up everything for that.
First off, ((((((HUG)))))).
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you're not being selfish. It's so hard how unfair life is at times. You've been working your butt off simple to expand your family and sitting through a massive holiday with someone who clearly is putting their needs before their unborn child's is salt in the wound. And in the separate issue that you guys are going out of your way to provide presents and it's not being reciprocated and anyone would easily come to the same conclusion.
Honestly, I would talk with your DH about this. Maybe instead of buying gifts for all of them, simply focus on the kids? We started giving family activity gifts. Not only did it save us money but it shifted the focus not only to the kids, but something that got the parents out with them. Think Zoo passes, passes to the children's museum, family bowling, etc. This also killed the resentment because it made the holiday less about getting present and more about being together.
Thinking of you.
thank you so much. :) we've already bought everyone's presents though. Although I do wish I could have just spent all the $$ on my husband, no one else. But it is going to suck because we all divy out the presents, we all sit in a circle and everyone opens their presents from youngest to oldest..and last year, I was out halfway through. of course the kids do end up having the most (as they should) - and it's not like I'M their kid or anything...but it still sucks just the sheer amount of $$ we have spent on them and I barely get anything in return. And, of course, the fact that they're all celebrating Christmas - giving each other lots of things and I'm sitting there, quietly, thinking "All I just want is a baby"...
DeleteDitto!! I think about it 24/7 and it never gets any better.
ReplyDeleteEvery year it is so hard to watch everyone opening presents with their children. Not sure how any of us infertiles get through it.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't being selfish. This is a hard time of year. All we can all do is take it one day at a time and be try to be hopeful. Our time WILL come.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you are not being selfish in the least!!! Hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Lilly. Wishing you the best. If you don't know who I am I was the blog "MY IVF JOURNEY". I deleted it, remember me?
ReplyDeleteCarrie - hey there!! I hope you're doing well! Thank you very much! wish you all the best as well!!
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