Dear life/universe/whothe-f-ever - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I just found out - one of my closest friends - who believe me, I absolutely love dearly...she's an amazing person - and her and her husband are mine and my husband's closest "couple" friends...but seriously??!!!!!!!!!!
I have to tell everyone - they are totally rooting for us and want it so bad for us - and would do anything FOR us...but they came out and told us tonight they are pregnant - and not only are they pregnant - they are - 10 WEEKS ALONG! that's EXACTLY where I'd be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to be happy - I do. They are amazing people and totally deserve this - but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry, I just had to get that out. now all I want to do is cry.
Oh honey I'm so sorry
ReplyDeletethanks. :)
DeleteOh lady. :( that's hard. Of course you want to celebrate this news with them. It's only natural. But it's also one hell of a punch to the gut as you are literally in the middle of grieving. And even though they truly intend no harm, this would hurt anyone.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, if they don't know about your recent loss, tell them. Tell them also that as happy as you are for them, you also need some time and space. After all, you just lost your precious baby. They will understand if they care about you guys. Just do what you need to do.
Well dangit, I replied but apparently wasn't signed in. anyways...thank you. The thing is - this friend knows. She was here the day of my D&C. The hospital said I HAD to have someone with me for 24 hours after because of the anesthesia and since my husband had to go to work, and she was working from home, she came over and "babysat" me while working from home at my house that day. She's been here since my first failed IVF. She totally knows. And I also know that she DIDN'T do this on purpose. They didn't go and get pregnant just to hurt me. I know that's ludicrous to even think so. I know better. But regardless I am still hurt. It still sucks. It's completely ridiculously unfair. And I can't help but think I "pushed" them into TTC because last year I kept telling her to go see her doc since she had really painful periods - I told her over and over I didn't want them to deal with what we are, as far as once they WERE ready to TTC they may have to go through fertility treatments. But she kept telling me they weren't ready - so I told her - ONLY start when SHE WAS ready. But damnit! really?!!!!!!!!!! it HAD to happen NOW??!!!!!!! Why couldn't life/the universe/God/WHOEVER have waited a few months?! WHY did she have to be almost exactly to the day pregnant at the SAME EXACT TIME as me?! I lost my baby and she ... well, she is blessed and lucky. And believe me, I wish them nothing but the best and I know I WILL be happy for them - but right now I can't be. Right now I have to be upset and angry and pissed. I want MY baby back!
DeleteI don't know if you remember, but I went through something similar with both my BIL and Grey's very good friend. Both announced they were expecting days after my second miscarriage. It took a LONG time (truthfully, still working on it) to resolve the hurt around those announcements. Even though I knew they didn't set out to hurt me, the anger and pain resulted in me needing to distance myself from both situations.
DeleteAs strange as this sounds, what helped was having each of them acknowledge the lose of those babies. And doing so in a similar manner to losing any other loved one. Grey's brother and I still struggle with this, but I think he's coming around as he's watched friends survive losing their pregnancies.
Anyway, be kind to yourself. And, once again, I'm so sorry. Sending love.
I had a similar situation. After two failed ivf cycles I finally got pregnant on the third but lost it shortly thereafter. A girl comes into work and says she's pregnant. I had to work with her through her entire pregnancy. I felt like she did it on purpose. I know she didn't but that's how I felt.
ReplyDeleteI thought for sure your pregnancy would stick with a 200#. Mine was only 64. I don't know why some are so lucky and others aren't. I just can't figure it out. :(