Ok, so there are definitely two things people should stay away from discussing with others as it always ends up in a heated debate. Of course those two subjects are politics and...duh-duh-duhhhhhhhh...religion.
So which one will I be discussing here??? :)
Well, before I do - if you are apt to get offended (although I don't think I will offend anyone)...I am warning you now, you may NOT agree with some things I have to say here (although, again, I really don't think it'll be that bad...lol)
So. A little background... I grew up in a Christian household - meaning that we went to church every sunday, I was in our church's girl-scout group (although in our church we called them "Sunbeams" for the brownies and "Girl Guards" for the girl scouts).
I like the stories of the Bible, I liked going to church and to church-camp growing up...but I was definitely NOT one of those people who defined myself as a "church-goer" that EVERYTHING had to be about church/religion/God 100% of the time (you all know that type of person...)
I quit going to church when I was in high school, mainly because my mother (who, to this day, still goes and is VERY active in our church and always has been) but my mother gave me the choice of whether or not I wanted to continue going to services on sunday.
So I quit going. Mainly because (at the time) I hated waking up on Sunday mornings when I'd been out all day saturday because of Marching Band in HS! haha!
But then, of course, I moved out of my parent's house, went to college, and just really never saw the need for it.
I never lost my "faith" by any means and have always held on to believing in creationism and other things I've believed my whole life - however, my opinions on SOME things have changed...such as (here's where you and I may have a very different opinion...) but I don't believe there is ANYTHING wrong with Gay Marriage! (whaaaa??????) but that's just an example. There's many other things I either agree with/don't agree with that most "Christians" would call me out for because my opinion is probably the exact opposite of theirs. lol.
But that's not what this post is about. Basically I wanted to give you all a little background that - while I definitely consider myself "Christian" and believe in God, I am NOT the type of person that thinks that "oh everything is in God's hands".
"If something doesn't happen or does happen, it's because it is or isn't part of God's 'plan'"
Sorry - but that is BULLSHIT. I've not actually had anyone tell me this yet (although the day they do, I may punch them)...but I see this a lot - especially on facebook, whenever - for example - there's a story on any of the local news stations about infertility or when comments about a story lead around to women speaking of their infertility...you ALWAYS have those people out there "well, you must be infertile because it's GOD's plan".
Um. Seriously? So it's OK and is in "God's Plan" for someone like THIS: Mom guilty of Selling Baby for Drugs or this: Man guilty of Selling Baby for Drugs, or the most recent, and my favorite: 21 year old Mom guilty of abandoning 2 month old at vacant home
I mean SERIOUSLY????????? It's in "God's plan" for (pardon me for saying this) - but pieces of SHIT like that to have a child, yet my husband and I who - are law-abiding-citizens, don't do drugs, have JOBS (to pay for pieces of shit like those in those stories) who HAVE a house an PAY our mortgage, on time, every month, who LOVE each other and most importantly of all WANT to raise and love a child...it's in "God's plan" for us to be infertile while pieces of shit like that can run around free and willy nilly get pregnant just by LOOKING at a man?????
I mean seriously I just want to scream!!! I have heard, too, "It'll happen when God wants it to happen". And.I.HATE.that!
I'm sorry but it just seriously angers me to hear people bring God into infertility discussions.
I love believing in God. I really do - but I do NOT like how people talk about how it's all 1000000% HIS choice and HIS reasoning that people don't have children.
I do not believe for one mili-second that it's GOD's plan for us and so many other wonderful couples out there to NOT have a child yet when so many pieces of shit do.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I apologize if I offended, but it's my blog. my opinion.
thank you. I feel better now. :)
I totally agree with you! I get so angry when I see parents who take their fertility for granted. My mother is a great example - she was a pretty shitty mom and she didn't even WANT kids. I was an "accident", as was my youngest brother. Or a better example would be my husband and his first wife - their first child was also an "accident" - they weren't in love, they hadn't even been dating long. Yet my husband and I have been together for five years, married almost 4 and here we are, struggling to have a baby. WTF!
ReplyDeletethanks!! And, like I said, I know I'm almost POSITIVE I offended somebody (I had 22 followers now I have 21, lol) and I am sorry that they were offended...but seriously it is just so frustrating to see stories like that day in and day out and (again, even though no one has directed that statement AT me...) I see people say that on posts online all the time.
DeleteI actually discussed this with the woman I stayed with while I was in England. She was actually a pretty religious woman, she and her husband attended church very regularly (and we went with them on Easter Sunday...) but even she agreed that the idea that it's in God's plan to make people infertile was crazy.
I AM OFFENDED at the idea that people think this! (and I don't get offended very easily! haha).
My religious upbringing is almost exactly like yours - church-going family, I enjoyed the stories and did think of myself as a Christian for most of my childhood.
ReplyDeleteThings got weird when I got to be around 12, and started questioning some of the teachings. My father could never answer me when I started asking "Why would god allow this to happen?" or how some of the stories just didn't make sense if god was a caring and loving god... talks quickly turned to "You need to stop thinking about things like that and just have faith!"
I stopped identifying myself as a Christian in my teens, but I still believed in a higher power. I've since lost all faith in a higher power, and it was strangely freeing and made me a better and stronger person since I'm not blaming god for the bad stuff in my life, or all of the much worse atrocities that happen every single day to millions of others out there.
I admire faith, and sometimes I'm saddened about not being able to believe in a benevolent higher being watching out for us all, so I don't think any less about any one that still has faith. I do, however, get pissed off about the "god's plan" or "god was watching out for me" type of BS... god did not help you win that football game, god did not spare your house from a fire that destroyed the neighbor's house. Faith is a deeply personal experience, but no one "up there" is cherry-picking individuals to punish or reward, and the sooner folks shut the hell up about that, the better, since all that does is reinforce the idea that god is a cruel and mercurial dictator and not a loving father figure. Believe in god, be religious, but don't tell me that god is torturing his children for some twisted reason we're not meant to understand.
And don't get me started on "god works in mysterious ways" crap. Our puny little minds can't understand the vast plan? Suffering is a fact of life, and life is not fair. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad. It's bad for religion, and it's just wrong to perpetuate that suffering is somehow deserved if you truly believe in a god that loves ALL of his creations.
SO sorry. I just was dealing with my father recently about how god has a plan for why he gave him a fatal, incurable lung condition. My father believes god loves him, and thinks this is some sort of learning experience or test of faith. A test that is going to kill him very soon. It's frustrating and heart-breaking to deal with, and made me a bit ranty. I do truly believe that faith can be a wonderful thing, but too often, it's perverted into something that cripples us instead of raising us up.
I think you hit the nail on the head of how I feel when I hear people say this... "no one 'up there' is cherry-picking individuals to punish or reward"
DeleteTHAT is exactly what I was trying to say. Again, I DO identify myself as being Christian, following (for the most part) the ideologies of how I was raised...but I hate it when I hear that it's all in God's plan. I'm sorry but I can not, for one minute believe that God's "plan" is for me and so many other awesome people to be infertile when so many people out there who (yes, I'm absolutely judging others here, don't like it? get over it...) but so many people out there who SHOULD NEVER PROCREATE can have babies just by looking at someone of the opposite sex.
My husband and I also agree with your statement of "god did not help you with that football game, god did not spare your house from a fire that destroyed your neighbor's house".
Honestly it makes me think that people who constantly say that crap are beyond selfish.
You couldn't be more right, also, in your last statement that "faith can be a wonderful thing but too often it's perverted into something that cripples us instead of raising us up".
thank you VERY much for your reply!!! :)
I'm a Christian (one who does believe that my infertility is a part of God's plan), but I'm not offended by your post at all! Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs and I think that's a good thing, it's what keeps life interesting. And I agree that it makes no sense that some people get to have children when they don't love them or even want to care about them, but then there are people like me who are kind and loving and would treasure a child, and we can't have any. It makes no sense to me at all. =(
ReplyDeleteNo, it doesn't make sense. :( my husband has a family member who's (soon to be ex) wife is NEVER around and their child is being taken care of by his aunt, because they were young and stupid. the mother doesn't even WANT either of her kids - and would rather go out partying and sleeping around.
Deleteyet here I am, crying day in and day out because all I want is ONE. ya know? it just makes me sigh...
I think you're absolutely right. There's no sense in who gets to become pregnant and who doesn't. It's not part of a plan, it's not a reward, or a punishment, it doesn't happen for a reason. I strongly believe that. These things just happen. I know that when I accepted that, I stopped beating myself up for not being able to have a child, and I stopped feeling so dreadful when I saw the headlines about terrible parents. In fact, now when I learn about people having children who should never have them, I tend just to think "yep, that confirms it. There's no plan. Things don't happen for a reason." Because we can't ever find a reason that justifies the suffering of the children born to these parents.
ReplyDeleteI am a Christian too. Lutheran. I believe in God. First I want to say I hate talking about religion because of how people debate. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I don't judge. Thank goodness here we can be open and not yelled at. God gave us free will so those people who did those things is not God's plan. They chose to do it. Other than that I actually do basically believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe not because God intended it that way, but there is a reason for everything. The reason could be and effect of something we did or not. We may never know the reason, some call it fate. All I know is that I am working toward finding positive reasons for everything. Positive lessons to be learned like making myself a stronger person. More in tune to others feelings. A better wife. A more patient person. and so on and so on.
ReplyDelete