Ok, first off I KNOW I've neglected my blog for a while...mainly because we've just been "in waiting and not really doing ANYTHING regarding baby making.
We have FINALLY paid off my 401k and now we have to wait 30 days to be able to take out a new loan - which we will use for our first IVF. It's bittersweet - I'm totally excited yet still pissed that we have to pay for what others get for free. No I don't know if I'll ever get over that.
But I am also EXTREMELY fortunate that I CAN pay for it without getting a credit card. and I know that. :)
So we shall see!
Now. I have to talk about being happy for other infertiles.
First off - an AWESOME blogger friend - Emily over at A Blanket 2 keep is pregnant!!!!!!!!!!! I can NOT tell you all in blog land how happy I am for her!!!! :) I know she's struggled for a long time and I am SO incredibly happy for her! I wish her a VERY healthy and happy 9 months!
And - a woman I know at work, who lost her baby only 20 minutes after he was born right before Christmas 2010 is pregnant too!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO incredibly happy for her! And - for all of you out there who do pray, please pray for a very healthy and happy 9 months! From what I know, her docs are really monitoring things to make sure that what happened to her son doesn't happen during this pregnancy. I don't remember exactly what it was - but I do now they knew about it before he was born.
So I am SO extremely happy for them!
But I have to admit...it is a little weird. I'm beyond ecstatic for them, but I can't be this happy for fertiles who don't have to struggle. And I know that's wrong. :( I need to try to be happy for those who don't have to struggle as well.
Aww Lilly, you mad me cry, which isn't too difficult to do right now LOL! You are so sweet! I love you hon, you are such a wonderful bloggy friend! I'm so happy you are moving closer to IVF! I feel the same way. I am so happy for IF friends, but still not as happy for fertiles.
ReplyDeleteEmily - cry as many GOOD tears of joy that you need to. Tears are cleansing! And I do - I wish you and your baby(ies????) that healthiest and happiest 9 months!
DeleteAfter having to struggle with IF, it doesn't seem so uncommon to have feelings like you've expressed. I know I've had uncharitable thoughts towards those who I know who have gotten pregnant so easily. It might not be the nicest of thoughts, but we are human after all. I personally think that knowing that we have these not so charitable thoughts makes up for it or compensates in someway.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear you're getting your chance at IVF. Like you say, its not fair to have to pay for what many others get 'free', but at least we are able to have this chance.
Heather, thanks!! I do feel guilty that I don't feel NEARLY as happy for my fertile friends as I do for my infertiles...but I know it's common but I still need to try.
DeleteAnd thanks! we've been waiting for what seems like eons. I know it's not nearly as long as others and there is still always the possibility it won't work - but we have to be positive because this is the only way it WILL work!