ok, so as I said yesterday - I truly TRULY am happy for those who get pregnant after struggling I am...and I am TRYING SO hard to be happy for those who DON'T struggle...or at least as long anyways.
So one of my really good friends at work - whom I love dearly and am VERY VERY happy for...yeah...you can guess.
She's a few years older than Me (38) and her hubs is like 42. She's never really wanted to have kids - but last year she told me she decided she was gonna go off BCP and just see what happens...she wouldn't ever go the IUI or IVF way - but if it happened, it happened! well - guess what. yup! it happened!
And honestly - she is an AMAZING woman and will make an INCREDIBLE mother. I really am VERY happy for her!
However I'm just so fucking sad for me and my hubby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been crying all day and trying so hard not to let her know how sad I am (smiling through the tears, you know!)
It just makes me so mad why WE have to pay thousands of fucking dollars to even TRY to get pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when so many do it for free!
sorry just having an infertility sucks day.
I am happy for her - please don't think I am. My friend is amazing and awesome and she and her husband will truly make incredible parents - but so will my husband and I and it's just not fair!
Aww, this post makes me want to hug you :(
ReplyDeleteI might be pregnant now, but I definitely had a struggle to get here. I remember finding out one of my friends from high school was pregnant with her second baby, a few months after she had her first -- I was so pissed (but genuinely excited for her).
The sting goes away...until you find out the next friend is pregnant.
You'll get your BFP one day and you'll have a lot of people to root you on! <3
I feel exactly the same as you do. How you feel is totally normal. It is so hard when we struggle each and every month and then someone else misses a BCP and gets pregnant. It's not fair. Don't ever give up though. I'm not going to even though I am now 44.
ReplyDeleteThat feeling of being happy for someone else, yet totally sad for yourself and hubby is a very hard thing to work through. And one that I don't think my husband understands to this day. It's totally normal, if just another suck-factor of IF. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThat is so hard to deal with, since you are friends, you want to be nothing but happy for her, but there is always that jealous/bitter/sad part of you that is courtesy of infertility that taints the genuine happy you should be feeling. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteIt does suck and it's not fair! That feeling is so difficult. I know it well. Big Hugz Hon! Stupid IF sucks the joy out of everything!
ReplyDeleteI TOTALLY used to feel this way too. Every time I heard another person was pregnant (esp with their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th! kid), it was like a dagger to the heart. I'd be happy for them, but frustrated that it could happen so easily for others and not for me.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Your time will come!