Friends throughout IF...

So I am lucky? fortunate? happy? Not really sure what word to use...but I have a few friends IRL who have gone through Infertility and IVF so I can lean on them and they are very understanding of what I'm going through...

And I have some friends that are just very considerate and have let me have my space...and then there's one that won't even talk to me now.

So I was talking with a friend at work today - who knew everything that happened and we really haven't talked much in the past 3 weeks because - well - I've basically kept to myself and been ignoring EVERYONE. And she said she totally understood. She told me she's been wondering how I was but didn't want to bother me as I looked like I wanted to kill everyone - lol...

And she sits in the cubicle caddy corner to me so we're literally like 5 feet from each other. But I opened up a bit to her today (trying not to cry and failing miserably at it...) but I was telling her how much it sucks to have to give up all my vices (alcohol, caffeine) AND be on fertility drugs AND lose spend my 401k AND...yeah you get the drift. But I also told her of another friend who works with us (different department) who has completely ignored me.

Thing is - this other woman really doesn't understand infertility. She is "child-free" but she does have 2 step-children (one who's like 20/lives on his own and one who is 12/mainly lives with her mother)...but I know she really doesn't want children of her own and is happy with her situation - which of course, good for her. :)

And she and her husband I'd say are "good" friends of me and my husband...but about two weeks ago (a week after I got the BFN and was still not talking to anyone) she got pissed at me for absolutely NO reason at all.

I was very sick that day and in the bathroom for like 20 minutes with um..."stomach issues"...so I got back to my desk, sat down and honest to God did not even register she was behind me until it was too late.

I barely saw her when I was holding my stomach and said "ugh, I feel like crap". She turned and walked away and emailed me something along the lines of "wow, why have you been such a "B" to me lately?" I didn't get this email immediately because I had a meeting...when I got back and saw it, I went over to her desk but she had already left for the day.

So I texted her and said "wow, nice email! and in case you haven't hear, our IVF fucking failed and it's not just you I'm being a bitch to, IT'S EVERYONE". Yeah, she hasn't talked to me since. She said something along the lines of, "well, when you want to be nice again we can talk".

Are you FUCKING kidding me? I just lost spent my 401k for a FAILED IVF cycle and I'M the one being the bitch? I didn't even DO anything to her! Literally I didn't say or do anything mean to her, I just ignored EVERYONE and I would hope that everyone could understand why!

This other woman told me she totally got that which is why she hasn't talked to me or asked me how I've been because she said she could only imagine what I'm going through - which is also how most people have been, leaving me alone/letting me have my space.

I told her, too, I just don't need to deal with this other friend right now. It may be selfish to some, but I just need my space, ya know?

It does suck because I know my husband really likes them as our friends - and of course all he said about it was "oh you girls"...but I know he hasn't talked to either her nor him since either.

I'm sure we will one day - but seriously...don't feel special, I'm not being a bitch specifically to YOU, it's EVERYONE! haha.