Husbands just don't understand...

So the holidays are upon us, and I love Christmas. I do. It is my absolute favorite time of year. Always has been.

And - every year we are pretty well off as far as getting presents for each other and for our family. We do "a'ight" for ourselves. :)

And this year...yeah I want ONE thing for Christmas. Just one. And of course when I said that to my husband, he just looked broken and said "I know, and it's the only thing in the world I can't give you."
:(

God does that make me sad. And I DO NOT AT ALL IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM BLAME HIM! I know it's about 99% because of his body, I get that...but hey, we transferred two into mine and my body didn't implant them - so it is me too. :(

We have a good amount of money in savings...which COULD be used for gifts for each other and our family - but nope. We can't because we have to spend $1850 (on top of $12,000+) to try and get pregnant (again) when everyone else gets it for free.

:(

Ugh. Sorry if this is a downer post but I am just feeling like crap.

Two nights ago, I got that latest and greatest facebook announcement of a co-worker who's expecting and due in April. I started to complain and of course my husband was all "Just be happy for them". As I said in my previous post - it's not that I'm not happy for them, I'm just extremely sad for us.

He says he doesn't understand that.

He DID say however, he also doesn't understand how I'm getting through this without alcohol...he loves his beer and he said "Ya know...I thought about giving up my beer to support you, but then both of us would be miserable" lol - and that's true, I don't want him to give up the one vice he does have as it may make him unbearable! haha.

I just want to scream, sometimes though - "YOU try giving up caffeine, alcohol and having fertility drugs shot up into your system that mess with your emotions and hormones - then gaining God knows how much weight due TO those drugs AND dealing with a failed IVF cycle that cost us my 401k!"

Other than food, I have no other vices I can even turn to right now when I DO get all pissy that other people get for free what we have to pay thousands of dollars for ...

IF fucking sucks.

Sigh. Sorry guys, I'm just in a pissy mood.