Ok. First off, I'm really not one to be easily offended about a lot of things and truly let a lot of stuff roll off my back. And honestly that question really hasn't bothered me up until now. BUT. in 2 months we will mark the 2 year mark that I've been off of birth control.
I know "they" mean well. You know - relatives and family friends who ask "so when are you going to make me a great-aunt/uncle?" And I know they really don't "get" that it's not polite to ask - especially those who are of an older generation...but I dunno...this question really got to me today.
I was talking to an aunt of mine - who - long story short we were really close when I was a young child but really haven't been close due to family drama in close to 20 years...but we are talking again...and she was asking me about my brother's baby (who I don't get to see because they live in another state) and then that dreaded question "So when are you two having kids???? I want a new niece or nephew!"
ugh. "well, we're just waiting...paying off some debt...enjoying being married..." you know the canned answers. It sucks. I can't tell her "we are infertile. who the hell knows when or IF we'll have them. yes I want them. I wanted to have one two years ago! but nope. we're infertile."
Course I'm NOT going to tell her that. Just "Someday..." cue subject change.
But I dunno - to me it's almost rude to ask that...ya know? I'm a VERY open person and talk about a LOT of stuff that my husband is always asking me not to talk about (such as our finances...lol) but to me - having a family, planning a family, and trying to conceive is a very private matter, IF I have not already shared information with you (which there are a couple of people at work who know our struggles...) but I don't want my family to know. Yes I'd absolutely rather have strangers know than my own family! haha. :p
Yes - ONE DAY we WILL be parents. When? I have no idea...just please don't ask me why we haven't had kids yet. It's really none of your business.
That is a frustrating and annoying question. I hope your aunt took the cue and let you continue on with the conversation. As time went on, I slowly started telling more people, as they asked, the very basics (Yes, I want kids. We've been trying for x years. And maybe something about treatments or endo.). But it is hard, because most people don't understand and they try to "help" with offers of just relaxing, adoption or many of the other just as frustrating replies.
ReplyDeleteSorry! I hope you feel better and can let the feelings about this conversation lessen soon.
Thanks for the comment. :) I know - PART of me wants to blurt out "well, we are infertile, so I have no idea WHEN we'll be pregnant". and, again, sometimes I do open up to people to talk about it...and it's weird because I AM such an open and honest person about so much (too much sometimes) of my life...but I dunno - it's also something I just wish people wouldn't ask anymore. :)
ReplyDeleteYea it is so much easier to talk to strangers or just friends rather than family. People are always gonna ask cuz in their eyes you are supposed to be in the next step. Get married, have kids. When people that I don't want to tell ask me I just tell them "eventually" which makes me laugh. I always hated that word. When the Hubby and I were dating and always talking about getting married I would ask him when he was gonna propose and I always got the answer "eventually". After a long time hearing that I hated the word and it always made the Hubby laugh to use it. So now I get to use it. LOL I know I'm crazy!
ReplyDeleteI wish that question would go the way of politics and religion at dinner parties- even if you ARE fertile, it's an incredibly personal question. I hate personal questions. I'm tempted to start answering, "Another year for every time someone asks me that."
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